I am upset at the last blog.
I do not literally know the language. I take it more as an insult and sexual harassment than a compliment.
Coming from Richard, I'm upset. He was pres of ORU. Most preachers and evangelicals do talk about the story of the whore in the bible that everyone wanted to stone to death. He probably uses me to bounce his message. Richard, whether you are being a pervert or preacher is not something I can clearly translate right now.
I need help on this one ladies who support me in feminization and women's rights.
If there was a message, it is a seriously dark mockery, "Wouldn't you do it if you were given millions of dollars for it?"
WOW.
He insults my entire being. Might as well compare me to the ending of Dumb and Dumber.
I think a lot of my anger does deal with being treated as subject and sex object. I don't feel I deserve the harassment either.
I'd be paid a million dollars to not suck your cock for a million dollars. How does that sound? If that were possible how would it sound?
I feel like the course has now been officially set to march to my death. Goodbye to all people who I could care less about and only wanted to use me.
The fact of the matter is, you already have used me. You severely, insensitively, and darkly redirect the argument to the already debt of taking advantage of me, to the argument of : If you were given the money, you'd make yourself a sex object too.
and even darker after my rebuttal: "you never were and never would have the chance if you chose yes."
I see straight through you.
I see this more as crude oil hatred than anything.
To deal with seriously being made a sex object the rest of my life, even if married or not, to be made to be human trafficked, to live knowing how I lived my prime after I was a less attractive older age. To know that after my experience with the world already, men most likely would trash and dog the woman after the prime was over. No chance of love even after being made a sex object for that amount of money.
Yes, I have once again made the Lily Allen statement. To be Lily Allen, does that mean I want to be the sex object for success? Lily is clearly only after success. My personal motive is both punishment and letting go. both at the same time? My punishment is my neglect and lack of regard.
I THINK IT IS SERIOUSLY UNFAIR TO NOT LET GO OF ME AND HOLD ME BACK FROM SUCCESS JUST BECAUSE I WON'T BE THE SEX OBJECT.
This is how I am convinced of man's jealousy.
Its almost giving me an idea that I will be a camel the rest of my life and rot in the desert.
Of course I don't want to be that way, but I really am that stubborn.
I hate the idea that men have that much of a problem of numbering and giving people statistics. (OK, I see the contradiction with Lily referal. We are not exactly alike. I did make distinguishable traits where we are different.) That men refuse to accept me as an individual person and that they would rather me be a foodstamp and categorize me of someone else. I also see the frustration of issue of dominance among women, this is my reason for saying individualisation, esp lack of submission for women who do make themselves the sex objects.
That men are that angry to give such wrath because I set myself apart, do not identify, and take a stand for rights of women.
When will I ever be able to stop feeling sorry for myself.
When will it be recognized that men should look like the piggish abusive hating fool in this situation?
Maybe I should start blogging about varieties of sand to be relentless......
A little more clarity..... I remember the episode of Brothers and Sisters. Only one episode I was paranoid with Richard. It was when they were arguing over who was going to be in charge. When I went to the school; I felt awful in the drama that I was caught up in because I did not want it to be that big or destructive. I wanted to deal with it differently than how it was dealt with. Because of it; I think the problem got bigger than it should have and because I felt abused, I had to try to report it to the police. I thought whoever was in charge of stalking and punishing me took it way too far, was way too abusive, and got way out of hand.
After that it was mostly Dane and Kitty. Dane even dressed up in a hypnotizing suit one day. I think I asserted that. I did not mean to lead Richard on. I take most shows and media as a joke, I've mentioned that too.
I'm still mad at Dane.
