Jon

I can't see where this episode is going either.
Yes, I think Liz's rape is worse than yours. Maybe your next rape will be to let her or someone else that I loathe to get away with their rape. Maybe you want to keep wishing and intentionally want me to think your rape is worse so you can enjoy yourself more when I say I prefer to be raped by whatever woman you would like to fantasize me with.
Women in the military. I actually applied one time for the sake of having a time period of not being able to handle the reality of my student loans. I have had times where I've called myself a soldier and had times where I don't think I'm soldier material at all. Do I really want to be in the military? no. On the days where I can't handle the way life is and wish I could beat anyone; I wish I was the creme of the crop female 007. As for guys and their treatment on women in the military? It really isn't a political thought I have really thought a lot about. I've already said I'm not into politics right now, but maybe one of your wants are my 2 cents in the conversation. hmph. It really depends on a lot of things. If a woman knows that she knows the entire job description and not just forces herself to go through with it,... but lives and dies for it,... if that is what she really wanted to live for; than live for it. I don't think the gender factor should be ignored or denied as possible issues or reasons. I think some men could desensitize themselves to a woman to a certain extent. I don't know if there are different expectations or demands.
How it would relate personally to you and I? I know I have called myself a soldier, and I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that Birtha has left the building and put her weights down. I was talking to other predators at the time, but one of the predators can include you. You are more physically and violently superior. I don't want you to see me as a soldier and I don't want you to desensitize yourself to me. I don't want to be at war with you, and if I could have any wishes for myself, I wish you would go back to being light and easy again and even gentle.
You must be mad for some reason. You're mad that I don't have a hooker heart that will be the perfect actress with you? You're mad that I watched Black Swan yesterday and think that I could be hitting on Angelina in the matrix by watching the movie? You already cried to say that you feel like a punching bag too and don't want me to hate you? I already said I don't know how to not breathe. I could have some idea of how I hurt your feelings, but I really don't know all of the exact things that I do that hurts your feelings. I don't want to be at war with you either. It seems to me like you are holding me to wait to be your punching bag, although I already felt like I was your punching bag last night.
The last thing is the toughest thing to guess at. This is about your guest speaker, Gervais.
My first assumption would be that you want to hurt me so much that you don't even know how to make sense out of it yourself. You want to hurt me to say in an insinuative way: It is ok for my dad to be how he has been with me. It is ok for him to be that way.
If there is no father connection; I'm not 100% sure if you guys are sincerely being bisexual together and you may want me to wonder. You also possibly want me to be jealous because you guys make jokes about animals and conversation and are light with him. While wanting to remind me of how you have been with me: You act that way to say you are serious in demonizing me over having touched a dog's parts when I was younger and that it really is a crisis and probably what caused the bombing/plane crash of the world trade center. On top of that is further obsessive abuse that the reason for my insecurities has always been that I feel like such a bestial sinner and freak and should be treated as a freak. I know I am mocking your and other predator's arrogance in this instance. Personally, I don't like the idea of you or other arrogant predators having a chance in any domination game. It has been old, and I think I would be better off remaining an iso over the issue with how savage some people have gotten and the credit they give themselves.
I think other parts of this conversation could have been iso as well, but there are times where I simply do not know how to not breathe.
Other guesses at Gervais, I really don't know what you are expecting of me. This would be an instance where you really are trying everything you can to be manipulative and wish that I wished I would be raped by someone else because you want to have the most repulsive rape.
I already said that I wish you weren't fighting right now. I'm not going to try to go to war with you. I'm going to just have to evaporate back into my genie bottle and wait things out and comfort myself in my own isolated bottle lounge. I'm also going to be doing some yoga today. If you really want to be sexually satisfied I'm not sure how you could expect me right now. I'm also not ignoring the other hint where your sick stalkishness wanted to terrorize me more and make me feel insecure for saying a comment outloud about "moodkill." Not sure what you're trying to get at with Gervais and don't understand why you would have such a sick and severe level of hate against me.

From the pits of Oz

You really look like you come from the pits of gossip and arrogance. The share you have with Joe C. also feeds this perspective. With the way you are coming off, me telling you to hand me a script and nametag is not going to go anywhere. I do not know if the baby's real dad is behind this as well or if Jon Stewart is in the choir of the death threat getting me killed and of having an abortion. The real father has already said he wants an abortion. I had already told him "no."
I am severely offended at this whole thing. I have been shocked often, but I have such a hard time believing that someone would give both me and my baby death threats like that. Wow. It makes it impossible to ask for a script or nametag. The answer is clearly "no," and if I don't have a rescue or anything happens for me and my baby's safety, than I will die with my baby. It seems as if my baby's life is on the line more than mine with how Oz is framing it and if the baby goes, I go.
I don't understand why you would gang up on me with Joe C. or from before Shawn. You may have picked your poison by now, Oz. I'm already skipping the question: "what on earth did I ever do to you, Joe?" and know that I am hated violently for being a snitch. Whether or not I ever decide to be a crackhead in "picking my poison," crack itself, or a person's crack addiction will never ever be worth it. I wouldn't be surprised if there was the predictable holy war with the dog either. I know I've been ignored, but I'll say it again I think the whole thing is desperate and ridiculous.
(I also am not a fool to the lie that happened just a couple of years ago and still exists.)
I did notice that Oz gave different signals later in his show. I'm still extremely offended. I'm not warmed up at all. If you were to accept my "no," over the abortion and reillustrate a plot, I would have the most difficult time acting out any script handed or nametag given if you were to change your mind.
I am also taking note that Giffords is in the spotlight of the news. My reaction? In my sect of the matrix, I did know what the battle was over. While there is no above ground evidence with sexual nazi's and oppression and relentless dead end discrimination; that has been part of the reality of my life. So, to answer Jared's question, it is right to take action against sexual nazi's or any form of discrimination or oppression? For murder or homicide? What if America never fought the holocaust? It is just one of those questions to question oneself of the idea of war itself and the purpose of war. When it comes to life and death, I believe more in a different kind of sentence being served rather than death, such as jail. I should never have to die or be oppressed because of sexual nazi's. I do think they are wrong in every which way. (I already hate to say that I have been connected to her by other people a few times) When given a nametag from somewhere else, I have no idea how to give any response because I have never identified myself as being responsible for supporting or cheering sexual nazis.
As for the real identity of Gaby Giffords and whatever reality, it wasn't something I felt questioned or interrogated with. It was how it was broken down in my view of the reason and drama of the shooting that I was being questioned for Jared's responsibility. I have my own way of siding with him although I don't agree to kill. With some sexual harassments and especially ones from the matrix where there is no evidence, I have wanted the sex offenders to be murdered. I could probably settle if they were jailed, but in the heat of my anger, I would want the sex offenders and assaulters to be murdered. I don't care what the highest form of law is: V for Vendetta. In my view they will always be wrong for the entitlement they give themselves in their sexual abuse.

I think you are a sick man Oz of the things you would insinuate or that you would compare my baby to having a gastic bypass surgery or "lose weight," and have an abortion. You are such a sick man.
If there is further assumption and interrogation over Joe or my father, I find it severely offensive that over so many other sick interrogations, I am being interrogated over them in wanting to have an affair and be their homewrecker. I can't see who you gossip with and how my truth is being twisted. All I can see it your sick assumptions and interrogations. You are so offensive to even question that. "Hell no," to both of them. And if my life is still on the line after the interrogation, my answer will still be the same: If I am not rescued, If the baby dies, I die with her.

??????????

Kelly, personally, I thought most of your show had been a little more light-hearted today except for the ending. If Rob sees me as his child, I'm anorexic to that too. I feel I have been given some kind of hint with some people and what is going on through their minds or their stories. While I do feel some relief that I have some support in being up against Maggie and that she is being exploited as the control freak and how she is wrong, why should any more of my time be wasted? In so many ways, I'm just tired that even when I am the one who has the heads up and not the tails, everything about my life is turned into entertainment. My financial crisis has not been resolved. My work place environments may have a change, but she is just one enemy among so many enemys. It isn't just her, but the entire system that I constantly get damned by.
The end of the show Kelly, the end. Sometimes, it is difficult for me especially in this instance to have a more clear mind. This is too dark for me. It is hard to work through naivety and hold responsibility somewhere. The Randy character does not look like anyone I know. While you may not be responsible for however I am being tested, somebody is. I think it is sick, grotesque, inhumane, absurd, and from an insanely jealous and hateful mind to test someone like that. I don't care if it is from the real military, I look at it as another example to support my view with "Lord of the Flies." Nothing is proved. I already said yesterday that I know I'm not going to win the "tough man contest," so why do some people still continue to bicker over it? I think whoever is doing this is being very psycho, sick, and hateful. If our real military does this, I think it is really sad that our nation is that inhumane. I think it is sad that some people don't know how to control their emotions or whatever hates they have. Nothing is proved but Lord of the Flies. If the military is already going beyond disappointing me, I really don't know where to go to for help. With amnesty, I'm not sure I can even trust them anymore with some associations and the fact that nothing has been resolved. I don't even know how to use it as evidence. This is another example where I would want to do something about it and/or take it to court or even kill over but with how impossible it is to describe the evidence, my life feels helplessly impossible. I shouldn't have to go to jail to defend myself if I were to deservedly murder someone for it.....................
........................................................................................................................

WTF?

Kelly, I'd give myself the FUNNY OR DIE card over this, but I think no matter what I do and no matter how I express myself or try to be funny on this one, I'm doomed. What is this on your show? Predator week? Of course I count your hubby out. While David, Jim, and Robert have some shares, there are 3 main shares that I focus on that are all local except for Jim. What is going on Kelly? I am being very down to earth and real with myself on this. In directing any conversation to the actual guys, it could or couldn't count. I already feel outnumbered with the locals and would feel more outnumbered with the matrix capitalism. They aren't the only predators but they are a few of the bigger problems that you are getting some close ups of. Like I said, no matter what I say, I'm doomed. Dangerous games dangerous games dangerous games.

Thoughts in my head and how I look at this situation:
(some oldies that have already been said)



I know this song can be very very sexy and has intentional dark sarcasm BUT



And this, come on guys, admit it: The only way to define this relationship is as a STALKER one. You don't have to say or confess any love, but you can at least admit you guys ARE STALKERS



AND



With you guys all on the same week and same show, I definitely feel: what is going on? I think it is creepy. You have succeeded in making me feel like my life is in danger. In this time, I admit, I don't feel as tough as I usually do. I'm not going to be singing along with Travis Tritt, "10 feet tall and bullet proof," (I really do think that way often though)
You are more violently and physically superior.
Bertha has left the building:



I'm hearing you; I'm hearing you. At this point in time, I am anorexic to the literal Kanye and am remaining negligent to his current drama. I can't put up with any of his Prince fits either, but with just the lyrics, I hear you loud and clear:



Kelly, I'm not sure what to think of you. You could either perceive me as Pamela Anderson in wanting to pursuade me to stay watching the show, or you may be trying to run me off as well. I don't know what your intentions are of keeping me informed of some of the predators. I feel the need to stay informed. Because of how Jim comes off, he is the type of enemy that you just don't have to keep that close. He knows who he is. The other guys? Maybe you want curiousity to kill the cat or purposefully doom me. Keeping my eyes opened. How could I be any more damned than I am now?

So dark

I am upset at the last blog.
I do not literally know the language. I take it more as an insult and sexual harassment than a compliment.
Coming from Richard, I'm upset. He was pres of ORU. Most preachers and evangelicals do talk about the story of the whore in the bible that everyone wanted to stone to death. He probably uses me to bounce his message. Richard, whether you are being a pervert or preacher is not something I can clearly translate right now.

I need help on this one ladies who support me in feminization and women's rights.

If there was a message, it is a seriously dark mockery, "Wouldn't you do it if you were given millions of dollars for it?"
WOW.
He insults my entire being. Might as well compare me to the ending of Dumb and Dumber.

I think a lot of my anger does deal with being treated as subject and sex object. I don't feel I deserve the harassment either.
I'd be paid a million dollars to not suck your cock for a million dollars. How does that sound? If that were possible how would it sound?

I feel like the course has now been officially set to march to my death. Goodbye to all people who I could care less about and only wanted to use me.

The fact of the matter is, you already have used me. You severely, insensitively, and darkly redirect the argument to the already debt of taking advantage of me, to the argument of : If you were given the money, you'd make yourself a sex object too.
and even darker after my rebuttal: "you never were and never would have the chance if you chose yes."

I see straight through you.

I see this more as crude oil hatred than anything.

To deal with seriously being made a sex object the rest of my life, even if married or not, to be made to be human trafficked, to live knowing how I lived my prime after I was a less attractive older age. To know that after my experience with the world already, men most likely would trash and dog the woman after the prime was over. No chance of love even after being made a sex object for that amount of money.

Yes, I have once again made the Lily Allen statement. To be Lily Allen, does that mean I want to be the sex object for success? Lily is clearly only after success. My personal motive is both punishment and letting go. both at the same time? My punishment is my neglect and lack of regard.
I THINK IT IS SERIOUSLY UNFAIR TO NOT LET GO OF ME AND HOLD ME BACK FROM SUCCESS JUST BECAUSE I WON'T BE THE SEX OBJECT.
This is how I am convinced of man's jealousy.
Its almost giving me an idea that I will be a camel the rest of my life and rot in the desert.
Of course I don't want to be that way, but I really am that stubborn.

I hate the idea that men have that much of a problem of numbering and giving people statistics. (OK, I see the contradiction with Lily referal. We are not exactly alike. I did make distinguishable traits where we are different.) That men refuse to accept me as an individual person and that they would rather me be a foodstamp and categorize me of someone else. I also see the frustration of issue of dominance among women, this is my reason for saying individualisation, esp lack of submission for women who do make themselves the sex objects.
That men are that angry to give such wrath because I set myself apart, do not identify, and take a stand for rights of women.

When will I ever be able to stop feeling sorry for myself.
When will it be recognized that men should look like the piggish abusive hating fool in this situation?

Maybe I should start blogging about varieties of sand to be relentless......

A little more clarity..... I remember the episode of Brothers and Sisters. Only one episode I was paranoid with Richard. It was when they were arguing over who was going to be in charge. When I went to the school; I felt awful in the drama that I was caught up in because I did not want it to be that big or destructive. I wanted to deal with it differently than how it was dealt with. Because of it; I think the problem got bigger than it should have and because I felt abused, I had to try to report it to the police. I thought whoever was in charge of stalking and punishing me took it way too far, was way too abusive, and got way out of hand.

After that it was mostly Dane and Kitty. Dane even dressed up in a hypnotizing suit one day. I think I asserted that. I did not mean to lead Richard on. I take most shows and media as a joke, I've mentioned that too.
I'm still mad at Dane.